Nathrania

I’ve been having periods are major depression lately and I’m not sure why. Well I have an inkling, and that’s due to the person in my life who is missing, but that shouldn’t be affecting my outlook to such a large degree. I’m having moments of complete and utter joy as well so it’s not like I’m in constant state of feeling down either. It’s this rollercoaster that I always seem to be on where I can go from being what seems to be the happiest person on the planet to being a hollow shell that feels devoid of any substance or connection with the outside world or people within an hour.

I’m meant to be so excited and happy about the new job and everyone else seems to be except for me. I just feel blase about the whole thing when I was previouslly really excited. I am missing not connecting with anyone too. It just feels like I’m going through the motions time and time again out of habit. Playing the game of gaydar, meaningless hookups and endless msn convos with braindead joe average when I don’t even need to anymore. I don’t know what compels me to even play but inevitably I end up back in that routine. Rolling the dice for anther turn. I guess I just want Cam home and by my side.