Nathrania

It’s funny how the small things just add up and effect me. Went to Cloudy’s opening tonight which was fun initially. Caught up with people I haven’t seen for a while (jedo are engaged now!) and telling the what I’ve been up to made me realise how much change I have accomplished recently. I’ve got my learner’s, I’ve quite dStore, found a new job, am going to get my passport asap, have started Spanish class and am falling more and more in love with Cam as each day goes by. Yet I still feel hollow inside. It’s exciting telling people all I’ve been up to but whether all this stuff is actually making me happy is another story.

I thought Hec would make it tonight, I don’t know why, he is the king of piking when it comes to social occasions, and was really looking forward to seeing him. He’s away this weekend so I’m not going to get to see him or talk properly till the following weekend. Cam called for all of 10 seconds as he had to rush back to the bridge as they were leaving port and he’s in charge or navigating and steering the ship so we didn’t get to talk tonight. Individually these are both minor events but for some reason they both just got me instantly down. As soon as I returned to the table Jen asked right up “are you ok, what’s happened?”.

I guess it’s the times like these, where I feel it’s a moment to be shared with the people that I love, that I miss having Cam (or Hec) by my side. It’s not that I want Hec back at all, it’s just the familiarity and ease of communication that exists there. I think it’s going to be an intersting juggling act once Cam gets back. I still have an intellectual connection with Hec that I enjoy and I don’t want to dismiss that when Cam returns. However, I’ve been waiting so long to have Cam in my arms again that I know for the first week or two all I’m going to want to do is be with him. Even if it is just watching a dvd at home, I couldn’t think of anything I would want to do more than just spend time with him.

Well that’s my little outpouring for the night. Time to get check on my auctions in WoW.