Nathrania

2 x Daft Punk tickets locked and loaded. Brisbane riverstage 20th Dec 2007 is going to be a night to remember. The best part is that I’ll get to share it with Cam!

YouTube - Footage from a recent Daft Punk show in London

A view inside the pyramid:

Note the Behringer BCR200’s. I’ve wanted one of these for ages now (was in my Christmas list from last year lol). If I get the Nielsen job then I’m definitely self presenting myself with one!

I don’t know what I was thinking over the weekend but I’ve logged into my bank account today and I’m in the negative by $360. I got a fortnights pay on the 1st and it’s all gone now on the 4th. Not only is it all gone but I’ve spent an additional $360 on top of it. WTF.

I’m never getting to South America at this rate so I’m pulling in the reigns, giving myself a big slap and clamping down on spending. Time to start bringing lunch, eating in and only buying the essentials. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Spoke to Cam tonight which was nice as always. Usually it leaves me in a much better mood and puts a glow on the rest of the night. Unfortunately though it looks like their schedule has been altered and they’ve got to do an extra trip to China and back. New ETA for him coming home is now late October. Another two fucking months!!! I’ve only been getting through the last week or so at work purely by reminding myself that it’s only a few more weeks till I’ll have him in my arms and now I’m not going to get that for what seems like an eternity.

There’s nothing I can do about it, but recognising that doesn’t help me at all. I really dislike not being in control of the situation. It’s very unlike me and I don’t like giving up that power. He says he’ll make it up to me when he gets back, but I don’t expect anything special as I know these are the terms of the relationship. I just wish I could give him a hug or even just see his cheeky smirk in person. I’m also realising that his next stay at home won’t be as great as before as I’m working full time now. Lazy weekday lunches in roma street parklands, late brunches at what ever hour we decide to roll out of bed and taking max to the dog park for his 4pm playtime juust aren’t going to be an option anymore. It’ll just be the weekends and weeknights which add up to a whole lot of not much when he’s only back for 10 weeks.

That’s my little vent for the night. I know all these shitty conditions are far outweighed by having the luck of finding someone I feel so strongly about so soon after Hec and I ended. That doesn’t mean I still don’t feel them though.

The brothers gonna work it out

The brothers HAS worked it out! 2 tickets for me and cam to see Chemical Brothers in Sydney in March 08! Mutters will be there as well so it’s going to be one debaucherous weekend of awesome tunes, finally meeting Ants, Bism et all face to face and getting a foot out of Brisbane and exploring somewhere else. Is going to be awesome!

Cam wanted some trance to listen to while he’s away on ship, it’s not my area of expertise any more but I did my best and pulled a few old classics together for the second half and some tough tech house and prog for the other parts. I’m quite chuffed with this one actually.

1. claude vonstroke - the whistler (claude vonstroke vs luca agnelli mix)
2. mauro picotto - maybe maybe not (dave gardner remix)
3. frederico franchi - cream (el carlitto remix)
4. simon & shaker - freshness (original mix)
5. the flying doctors - we make contact (oliver lieb remix)
6. dave spoon - this machine (terranova austin leeds remix)
7. dj koze - pattern wirtschaft
8. hook n  sling & kid kenobi - the bump
9. jase from outta space - do what you want (max graham remix)
10. criss source - hugs n’ kisses (ivan gomez ‘i have a dream’ bootleg)
11. der dritte raum - hale bopp (jackclaw mix)
12. delerium - silence (sanctuary mix)
13. ambassador - the fade (oliver lieb mix)
14. umek - gatex (oliver lieb remix)
15. push - universal nation
16. kamaya painters - far from over (oliver lieb remix)
17. nathan fake - outhouse (umek astrodisco mix)

Right click here to download
Click here for previous mixes

http://www.norefuge.net/vgng/vgng.html

Cthulhu’s Banana in the Salad Kingdom
Savage Amish Derby
The Secret Weapon of the Workout Palace
Radioactive Monkey Assault
The Last Sushi Strikes Again
Rural Ice Cream Crisis
Zany Janitor Sisters

90’s dance greatness. Planet Perfecto were a huge influence on my early vocal trance years!

YouTube - Grace - Not Over Yet

I’ll live for you
I’d die for you
Do what you want me to
I’ll cry for you
My tears will show
That I can’t let you go

It’s not over, not over, not over, not over yet
You still want me, don’t you
It’s not over, not over, not over, not over yet
Cos I can see through you
It’s not over, not over, not over, not over yet

Don’t let me down
Don’t make a sound
Don’t throw it all away
Remember me
So tenderly
Don’t let it slip away

It’s not over, not over, not over, not over yet
You still want me, don’t you
It’s not over, not over, not over, not over yet
Cos I can see through you
It’s not over, not over, not over, not over yet

is usually something I love doing. An exciting adventure where you can unwind after a big night. Unless you’re doing it by yourself from West End to bown hills at 1am in the middle of winter and all that awaits your arrival is an unmade bed and a stack of gaydar messages from guys you wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot clowning pole.

Walking by myself without any ipod or company means I’ve only got my own thoughts to occupy me so the seemingly neverending downward spiral into feeling crap about myself just continues. I had an awesome day and and awesome evening but as soon as I’m left to my own devices depression just seeps back in.

Life really does know how to throw a curve ball at you every so often!

Fuck I do my head in sometimes. Ignore the previous post - I’m letting way too much outside stuff influence my head at the moment. I don’t think the amount of codeine I’ve taken today is helping either. I know I don’t have everything sorted or know what I want 100% of the time but I know I want Cam. That’s for certain.

This is much harder than I thought it would be. It’s not even a week yet but it’s been a constant rollercoaster ride. I know I’m susceptible to massive swings in mood and when I get down I really do hit that wall where I’m quite happy to crawl up in a corner and just wallow for hours on end. I’m having to detach to get rid of the emotions, which is what I did with Hec, it all feels very similar actually. The problem is that I force myself to emotionally detach by creating all these false reasons in my head as to why I should end it now and that it’s not worth staying for. It means I stop being so depressed but it’s hard to then turn off and you can’t just turn the original feelsing back on. I convince myself out of thinking a particular way so much that you end up believing it.

Hec and I aren’t working out at all like we planned. Any time we talk it’s stilted and akward. Out timetables never seem to match up and we’ve not seen each other since the first night he got back. We’ve made plans to catch up a few times but one of us always cancels. I really like Cam but if I’ve got to emotionally shut down every couple of months that he goes it’s going to get very taxing. I can’t spend half of my year depressed just so the other half is amazingly perfect and comfortable. It’s not healthy.